How to be an idiot – full guide

This blog stands out as the most ridiculous blog ever, with stupidity and retardation oozing from it and covering all surroundings with shit ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Someone could think: “Hey, I also want to be as stupid as the creator of Ass Cupcake!” And here you go, a small guide for you.

  1. First, you need to try to take a shit everyday.
  2. Eat rice with chicken and with a sauce from a jar at every opportunity ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) But learn to cook it yourself, don’t ask your mommy to cook for you.
  3. Eventually, you can replace rice with couscous, and chicken with ground meat (preferably beef, 100% cow’s ass), and if you don’t have a sauce then don’t even try to cook anything ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  4. You can buy a good sauce in every supermarket. Buy only Asian sauces, and if you grow bored of them, you can switch to Mexican ones.
  5. If you don’t have a supermarket near your living place, go to a hypermarket instead ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I recommend buying Uncle Ben’s sauces or some other jar of sauce. You may even find some African sauces or some shit.
  6. Everyday, fill your room with your farts and sniff the deadly fumes from your ass.
  7. Take your phone or something to read with you everytime you got to the toilet. Even when you’re done shitting, sit on the toilet for like 5-10 more minutes. Only then you can wipe your ass.
  8. You don’t want rice to become boring to you, so try to diversify your diet. For example, by making spaghetti ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Buy only spaghetti pasta that is made of 100% durum wheat, but don’t buy wholesome pasta, it’s SHIT.
  9. Buy only those spaghetti sauces that look like real Italian ones, eventually Greek or Arabic or some shit.
  10. If you have a down syndrome, you can combine spaghetti with a sauce that I told you to use with rice, and vice versa. But you know, only retards do that.
  11. You can sometimes buy yourself an Asian pasta, you know, noodles. These are expensive, but they’re worth the price. But only buy the curly ones. Straight Asian noodles are shit.
  12. When you take off your socks and pants, throw them on the floor in your room. After a couple of days you should have collected a decent pile of dirty underwear. Take it all to your bathroom and throw it into your laundry basket.
  13. If you have a single sock/pair of pants, you can take them to your bathroom. Don’t even enter the bathroom, just throw it inside, trying to aim at your laundry basket (don’t even check if you aimed right).
  14. Buy yourself a pair of wireless headphones, so you can listen to your favorite sick beats while making breakfast or taking a thick s.
  15. If you want to create a blog that would be as stupid as mine, you can, freely. Of course, yours would never be as cool as mine ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) But you know, you can always try. I don’t have any competitors anyway.
  16. When you want to write a story, but you don’t have any ideas, just take a look around your room. For example, I’m seeing now my used pair of pants, which I’ve just taken off. Inspiration flows into your head instantly. You can, for example, write a story about a secon-hand store, where they smear shit into clothes. I don’t know why, but it sounds funny and that’s the point.
  17. Any money you have spend on bund and juices 100%, eventually nectares. Try not to drink still drinks.
  18. When you feel like you have to shit, because e.g. you ate too many fruits and sausages and drank a lot of juice, stop doing what you’re currently doing, run to your toilet, take off your pants, sit down on your ass and release the shit. It’s better to shit sooner than later.
  19. Don’t ever make your bed. By the evening you’re going to lie on it anyway. So what that it’s all stinky and unpleasant from your farts, who gives a shit?
  20. When you fart in your room and it gets stinky around, open your window quickly. Somebody may enter and feel the stench.
  21. Sometimes it happens that somebody approaches you at the same time when you need to fart. In such case, tell this person to fuck off, and when they go away, or when you step aside, slowly and discretely move your ass muscles to release the stinky gas silently. Afterwards, walk around the room for a while to spread the stink around, so that it doesn’t stick to you.
  22. Remember: quick and quiet farts are usually more stinky than loud ones.
  23. Fart classification:

a) Soft:
– Quiet PFF – very stinky
– Silent FFFF ninja – nobody hears it, everyone can smell it. Even you can sometimes not realize that you have farted this way. This and the previous fart can be colloquially defined as a so called “poof”
– Sitting PZZZ – you’re sitting and making a silent fart
– Diarrhea-like Prprprprprp – it’s just like a watery shit was leaking out very fast from your anus. If it actually leaks, you can call it “sharting”, from the words “shit” and “fart”.

b) Hard
– Half-loud PRR – you can hear a quick fart, the stink may vary
– Very loud PRRRR – you can hear a loud fart coming out from your ass, the stink is usually terrible
– Quick and loud PRRRrrr – something like a fart cushion, it starts loud and then gets quiet
– Sitting PR-PR-PR – you’re farting like you were shooting of a heavy machine gun, requires sitting on something hard.
– Quick and half-loud ZZZ – like opening a squeaky door. You don’t have to sit to fart like this, you just have to clench your buttcheeks and leave a small anus hole.