Jake finished his dinner.
„Thanks honey, that chicken was great.” He said.
„But honey… that wasn’t chicken…” His wife claimed.
„We’ve been having a lot of money problems lately.”
„I know, so?”
„We can’t afford a chicken, hon.”
„What did I eat then?”
„I cooked a road-killed skunk that I found on the way to the church.”
Jake gulped. He slowly got up from the chair and said in a shaky voice:
„So you mean that I ate a skunk?? That was killed by some truck on the road?”
„Yeah, but it’s fresh! It must have been killed no longer than three days ago.”
Jake tried to smile, but he couldn’t take this anymore.
„GOTTA GO FAST!!” he shouted and ran to the toilet, trampling through his wife, who fell on the floor and died.
Jake pulled down his pants and quickly sat on the toilet, just when the shit started leaking out.
„LEAVE MY BODY, SATAN!” he screamed, as the thick, brown shit leaked from his asshole down into the toilet.
Suddenly, he farted so hard that the toilet cracked. He had to hold onto it with his hands, otherwise he would go flying to the space.
When he thought it was over, he felt sudden qukes, coming out of his ass. He grabbed the toilet again and it was time for round two.
He shat so much that the shit would soon flood his house, so he pressed down the button to keep the water flowing. But because of this, he was only holding the toilet with his one hand, so when another nuclear fart came, it almost tore off his arm.
After ten hours of constant shit-flow and farting, Jake’s ass was as loose as a chewed up gummy bear. The stink was unbearable and locals said that someone in the village shat so much that their toilets exploded with a shitty geyser, and they wanted to kill that someone.
Jake escaped the village before anyone found out about his shitting, and travelled to Africa to find the ancient treasure of King Arthur. After twenty-five years of excavations, he found it. But it turned out to be a shit fossil that Jesus took when he was on his trip to the Democratic Republic of Kongo. He threw it away and hung himself.
Then some random black guy found it and ate it and became a GOD. He turned everyone in the world black, and made it so that everyone is immortal. After just five months, there were 800 billion people in the world, and they were all black. Umm, I don’t know why I’m even writing this.