David starts a campaign on Kickstarter

I just wanted to say that there are lots of black people in Africa. Now start reading.

David was lying on a couch and playing some SHITTY game on his smartphone.

“Dafuq is happening in this stupid game??!” he screamed, “I have to buy a premium version of the game to progress?! What a SHIT!”

And then he threw the phone at a wall, but it bounced off and hit him in the face (his walls were made of rubber).

“This is bullshit, there are no good RPG games for Android devices.” he thought, “I think I would make a better game than this crap…”

And then he came up with a GR8 idea. He’s gonna make a perfect RPG game, full of adventures, beautiful places, interesting characters and absolutely free!

He entered Kickstarter, a webpage for funding projects. He created a topic titles “A cool RPG game”.

Hi there!

I want to make an RPG game for Android devices. iOS is SHIT, so iPhone users won’t get SHIT from me.

My game will be called AMAZING ADVENTURE. In AMAZING ADVENTURE, there will be:

– an enormous, open world of Niggerlandia, based on classics of fantasy genre

– about 6000 non-player characters, each with their unique story and character

– a thousand quests, for approximately 1000 hours of gameplay (and this is just the main questline!)

– ten thousand side quests (every one is fresh, unrepeatable, with no quests like “Kill 20 wolves” 

– 20 (twenty) classes

– 300 unique skills and spells and 600 passive abilities for each class

– 40 (forty) main bosses, including Master of Darkness and Black Magic, Nignogus Maximus (a big, bad sorcerer from a land called Faggotland, who killed your family and dog in your home village), and 100 side bosses. Every boss has their unique combat style, and all of them require a strategy to beat them

– 200 (two hundred!!!) kinds of distance weapons and 400 (FOUR HUNDRED) kinds of melee weapons. Every kind has dozens of weapons (for example, there are 60 glaves in the game, and glaves are just one weapon type!), they look unique and neither of them feels the same when fighting

– 80 (EIGHTY, YOU HEAR ME!??!??!?) companions, that can join you in your adventure across Niggerlandia in a group of five people. With each of them, you can start ROMANTIC INTERACTIONS, I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW GOOD THIS GAME IS GONNA BE!!!! (neither yours or your comapnion’s gender will not affect the possibility to romance, so you can romance with all of them, who cares!)

– an option to build your own house in thirty different locations (in a jungle, in a forest full of mushrooms, in a cave, on a peak of a snowy mountain, up a mountain giant’s anus etc.), using thousands of customization options, furniture etc.

– an option to make a family (but don’t worry! You don’t have to limit yourself to just one partner, otherwise you wouldn’t discover the whole game! You can marry EVERY single one of those 80 companions at the same time! Well, fuck me, I can give you TEN more companions, making 90 partners in total! Great!)

– lots of social groups, living in Niggerlandia (including strong and fast Nigorians, maniacs of arcane knowledge – whitemarians, crazed gang members – niggangsters, and much more)

– non-player characters’ reactions to your gender, appearance and skin color (each of those six thousand NPCs will have over 100 000 possible voice-lines about your look. That said, whiterians will judge you harsher if you’re a Blackus/Arabixus, and Faggoters will have alternative dialogues if you’re playing as a male character and you’re wearing tight pants)

– and, later in the game, a possibility to travel across time and space! You can visit different realms and planets, which in total is about thirty worlds as big as Niggerlandia, each with different people, culture, religion, sex preference, bosses, quests, companions, classes, weapons and everything!

And the best part is that the game will be TOTALLY FREE!

However, I can’t make this game without financial support!

Support the project now! If you donate at least 5 dollars, you will get a copy of AMAZING ADVENTURE before it launches, as well as a baseball cap with the game’s logo, a VHS cassette with an interview with the game’s creator (me), a set of gummy dicks (different flavours), and a blanket with a big picture of my asshole.

Goal – 20 million dollars

David pressed the Create Topic button and relaxed in his chair. After all, he was such a great game designer! He should have started a campaign on Kickstarter long time ago, he was SO good!

But then, it hit him that he din’t know how to program for SHIT, he couldn’t draw, compose, he couldn’t EVEN write well.

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!” he screamed and was about to delete the campaign, when he saw that he had already gathered 20 billion dollars, which was like 100 000% of the goal.

Everyone in the world donated at least a dollar, so that David could make this game.

“Hmm, I think I know what I should do now.” he said to himself.

He went upstairs, took a rope, and – no, he didn’t kill himself – took it to his backyard. He had a rocket waiting for him there. He attached one end of the rope to the rocket, and the other end to his ass. He pressed a button and it launched him to a different realm, full of ninja turtles. EVERYONE was a ninja turtle in that one. Kek.

THE END

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

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Author: kream45

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